You Are Not a Failure: 6 Ways to Pick Yourself Back Up
(Before we begin… There is no one who is a failure. Failure is what happens to you, not what is you) It was my birthday, and my first birthday ever I wish I could skip. But I got up and walked to the beach then buried my head into my jeans with tears flowing faster than the waves I was looking at. I was a shell of myself. Everything I had worked hard on felt like it was shattered in front of me. I will spare the details but it felt like I was burning alive, with so much pain I didn’t know where to start first.
I felt like a failure in my friendships I felt like a failure in my love life I felt like a failure in my career
I lacked direction to get unstuck because all I could keep thinking was how awful of a person I was. I felt like I had failed at everything. This negativity spread like wildfire throughout my body which then turned into shame and guilt. (Sound familiar? Keep reading.)
I was in a hole. (Maybe you feel like you are too.)
It wasn’t the first time I was in a hole, but this time I decided to stay down. To unpack it, to understand it, to sit in darkness. I knew it was the only way out, all the books had been telling me for years. Sit in your pain. So I did.
Today, I want to share with you why losing your way can be the best thing that happens to you. Struggle does not mean you are a failure, and it is definitely not your identity. It is simply part of your story, not the fullness of it.
Although you fall, you are not a failure. Although you struggle, your struggle is not who you are. Failure and struggle don’t define who you are, but how you get back up does.
HERE ARE 6 WAYS TO PICK YOURSELF BACK UP
1. GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA & PRACTICE DIGITAL MINIMALISM The best thing to do when you’re not in a good place is to remove the clutter. Clutter is the enemy of clarity so finding space to enjoy nothingness is first. That means, delete Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, Facetune, Vsco, Tezza, Unsplash, AirBnB and hide your internet browser in a different folder. Practice, being off your phone, this takes a while to get used to as we are so accustomed to it. But challenge yourself to not use it. Go for a drive, without Google maps, get lost and enjoy it. Your mind is a self-correcting system… the primary condition needed for a self-correcting system to find its way back to balance is simple. An absence of external interference.
2. TAKE CARE OF YOU I wish there was a blueprint to get unstuck but pain is personal. Only you know what your body needs. If could be a nap, baking, a run, calling a friend. Take your days slow and hour by hour. Check-in with yourself and how your body is reacting in different situations. When I was around a lot of people I was overwhelmed, when I was outside I was calm, when I ran I was energized. I listened to my body and gave it what it needed. I will say this, rain or shine, the forest was my sanctuary. I never regretted getting outside.
3. LET GO OF YOUR OARS AND FLOAT When you are in the process of repairing yourself... forget about plans. Let yourself float. Let go of your oars and stop trying so hard to make “life work”. Let the universe guide you down the effortless river that is always flowing inside of you. It is time to listen to your natural guidance system and trust that there is a bigger purpose for you. Naturally, my mom would call me and ask “So darling when are you planning to do X, Y, Z” and my response was always “I don’t think like that right now, hour by hour mom” Let go and surrender what you think you need so you can just enjoy what is.
4. RETURN TO YOUR ROOTS Sometimes we get so caught up in the busyness of life that we forget our original purpose. We lose our drive and passion because we are crowded with to-do lists, responsibilities, and self-induced pressure to perform. It is important to realign to your purpose. Being externally motivated can only take you so far. Really dive in deeper into the inner motivations that made you start in the first place. What kind of impact do you want to make? How do you want people to remember you as? What will be your legacy?
5. LET GO OF THE SHAME It is very hard to admit shame… especially today, when so many people feel compelled to come across as social media winners, if you admit to feeling shame, you feel like you run the risk of being wildly judged. In all honesty, maybe that is the case, but what is more important than other opinions is how you feel inside. The truth sets you free. When you’re living with shame, it’s easy for it to dominate your thoughts. It is very easy for your self-perception to become distorted. You may believe you’re worthless, damaged, or ugly. But the truth is you are a beautiful masterpiece, navigating life doing the best you can. Remind yourself that everybody makes mistakes and remember this quote... “Mistakes are always forgivable if one has the courage to admit them”
6. GIVE YOURSELF SELF COMPASSION Trying to punish yourself to become a better person does not work. However, having self-comparison does. Guilt is about the past. It has nothing to do with right now. This is important to remember because when we hold onto guilt what we are trying to do is change the past. Which is impossible. Let’s say you get in a big argument with your loved one and regret the way you acted. Instead of punishing yourself, learn to have compassion when you have disappointed yourself. Notice the way you speak to yourself and practice a new language that is filled with love.
I am worthy of love
I release my past. It has no power over me.
I let go of the anger and hurt I’ve been carrying.
I will leave it at this… when all your pieces are shattered in front of you it is a gift. It is time for you to look at those pieces and put them back exactly how you want them. The best part is you can leave some behind. Don’t stay down, find enough courage inside of yourself to continue on. Place your mistakes under your feet and use them as stepping stones to rise above them.
